I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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