you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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