break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
