her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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