the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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