I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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