I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
