mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
