I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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