Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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