Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize