Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
