if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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