you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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