I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize