im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
