Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
