I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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