I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
