He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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