I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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