i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
