i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
