my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
