First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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