So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
