dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize