WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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