i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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