woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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