She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
