Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
