that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
