Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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