The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
