And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
