when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
