I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
