Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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