Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My bed smells like the plague
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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