I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
