i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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