I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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