he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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