Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
