The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
