dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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