you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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