you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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