for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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