you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
