I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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