I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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