How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
