Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
