You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hippo gnu deer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
