guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
