Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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