Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
