Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
