Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize