Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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