We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
