I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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