I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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