I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
