windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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