This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
